encompassing me
blinding me
standing in this familiar place
motionless
the weight of it pulling me down
to who I once was
and I can feel everything she felt here
the verge of tears
the dry lump in her throat
is now mine again
can I do this
can I be me in the fog
the pain humbles me
I am not strong here
I'm submissive
quiet
comatose
suicidal thoughts of her past flood me
feeling so tangible
and wanted
coping with old habits
overwhelming my mental health
testing me
and the person I have become
the yesterdays tugging at my sleeve
the voices in my head motivating the girl I once was
to be more today than she was then
building the inevitable confrontation between the two
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